You should read How to get your kid to eat, but not too much by Ellyn Satter. Wordy title for a great book. The book's fooatndiun is that we parents are responsible for providing healthy food and kids are responsible for how much or even whether they eat. It also revealed to me, how we unconsciously pass on our eating hang-ups to our children. Seriously worth a read. It won't end the messiness, but mealtimes will be stress free. (Amazon link)